


out of darkness

by foundCarcosa



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2532494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foundCarcosa/pseuds/foundCarcosa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian Vael questions his church, his friendships, and himself, but Elijah Hawke has a simple answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	out of darkness

What amazed Elijah the most about him was that nothing was ever out of place.

His armour caught and held sunlight even on cloudy days, buffed and oiled to gleaming; not a single dent in the chainmail, not a single scratch in the plate. He shaved diligently and slicked his russet hair back until it shone almost as brightly as his armour. His boots clicked precisely on the stone, steps measured, gait fluid. And every arrow he shot, when he did, found its mark with an uncanny and almost frightening precision.

In contrast, Eli felt like a child in a mud pit. Clumsily he courted the prince’s friendship — he killed for him, since he felt he was no good for anything else. Elijah played the mercenary, the bodyguard, the leashed animal, because why else would royalty — even exiled royalty — keep him around?

"I don’t understand why you treat me like this," Sebastian Vael asserted, brow furrowed, every time Elijah catered to him. "I am nothing special. I never was."

"I don’t believe that for a second," Elijah would reply, dismissively, taking it for affected humility. 

"Maker be thy light," he whispered, when Eli was out of earshot.

—

"I don’t understand why you run around with those ruffians," Grand Cleric Elthina fussed, "they’ll only turn you astray, don’t you understand?"

"I was always astray." Sebastian touched the taper to another red candle, watching it flare to life before moving on to the next.

"Not like this. And that big one, the Hawke boy, he’s the worst of them all. Sowing discord everywhere he goes…"

"He seeks justice. As I… thought I did." _But there_ is _no justice in Kirkwall,_ Sebastian added privately, _so he creates it himself. Is that so wrong? Did not Andraste do the same?_

"Those are godless people, Sebastian—"

"And should I not go amongst the wretched, the forgotten? Am I so different from them? You have always been good to me, Grand Cleric, and I am grateful… but you are wrong about me." Sebastian blew out the flame, set the taper aside. "Besides, they are not all godless. Elijah knows our Lady Andraste. And Merrill has her Dalish gods—"

"Those are false gods, you know that—"

"How can a god be false? What is false about divinity? Why must the Maker be the only god one is allowed to worship, even though the Maker doesn’t even deign to look upon us?" Sebastian sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, knowing the words could not be taken back, but regretting them instantly.

The Grand Cleric tutted, shaking her head and stepping away from him. “You speak blasphemies, my child. I knew they would corrupt you.”

"It is not they who are corrupted," Sebastian responded dully, casting his eyes up to Andraste in supplication before leaving the Grand Cleric’s presence.

—

Elijah bowed with a flourish the next time he saw Sebastian, and though Sebastian knew it was meant to be endearing as opposed to fawning, anger still flared in his breast.

 _“Stop_ that! Stop doing that! I am not a prince, I’m just…” Sebastian floundered, then shrugged irritably. _“Sebastian._ That is all.”

Eli stared, then shuffled his feet, abashed. “Sorry. I just… never know what to do around you.”

"Why?"

"Because…" Elijah raised his hands, gesturing. _"Look_ at you. You’re… I… look, I can’t explain it. You’re just kind of… uh, perfect. Aw, _Maker,_ that sounded stupid…”

Sebastian felt like crying. “My family is dead. Vengeance feels bitter in the core of me. My friends treat me like blown glass — pretty but insubstantial. I just made the Grand Cleric upset. What, pray tell, is perfect about me? My _armour?_ I would take it off right now if I could, but… what will I be then?”

"You’ll be… Sebastian," Elijah responded, lamely, but earnestly.

"And who is Sebastian?" No, he didn’t feel like crying, he _was_ crying; Elijah looked distressed, his hands twitching at his sides, but he’d never touched Sebastian — Sebastian the untouchable, the mysterious, the unreachable — and the idea of embracing him seemed almost absurd.

"You’re my friend…!"

"Am I? Am I still? Now that you have seen me imperfectly?"

—

"I feel like… there is a corruption in me. A blackness, spreading from here…" Sebastian cupped his hand over his heart. "It consumes me. This dark _nothing.”_

"Has it always been like that?" Elijah had folded his big body into one of Leandra’s favourite armchairs, curled up in it like a child, and if Sebastian had been in better spirits he might have been amused and charmed at the sight.

"No. …Maybe. I do not know. But I feel it worse now. I have nothing. I am becoming nothing. To put this on—" he gestured to the pieces of armour he was still wearing, "—is to… become someone. Even if it is false. To be a brother of the Chantry was to be someone. Even if… that was false, as well."

"What do you mean? You love the Chantry."

"I… love Andraste. I love you because I see Andraste in you." Sebastian faltered, feeling as though he’d said too much, and then plowed on with the hopes that Eli didn’t have the chance to process the sincerity of that statement. "The Chantry is full of false prophets and people who desire control over others. To become that is worse than being nothing at all."

But Elijah _had_ processed Sebastian’s admission, and was smiling, his head tilted to one side and his hands twitching again. “There’s always a home for you here, Sebastian. You don’t have to be alone.”

"But you have…" Sebastian swept his arm around. "All this. All this _life._ All these vibrant people around you. What will I bring you, but my pointless indulgent sadness?”

"I’ll take that. I've got broad shoulders for a reason. No man should have to bear his own sadness, not when he has people that love him." Eli unfolded himself out of his chair and approached Sebastian’s, kneeling in front of him and taking his hands, and Sebastian flushed at the earnest attention. "Stay with me. Here. Forget the Chantry, forget all that, just… relax. Let my mum feed you to death. Make friends with the dog, he's been obsessed with you ever since you bowed to him that one time. Help me teach Fenris to read — he’s catching on pretty well, actually, he’s smarter than he knows. Anyway, my point is, let _us_ be your home.”

"And what will I be to you?" Sebastian’s hands tightened around Eli’s, betraying his uncertainty, his desire.

"My light in a city of darkness," Elijah responded without hesitation, and when he leans up to kiss him, Sebastian can feel him smiling.


End file.
